Smart Parenting June 2023 Cover: Iya Villania and Drew Arellano
Being in a room with Iya Villania and Drew Arellano and their four kids is as noisy and chaotic as one can imagine. But like most parents of multiple kids, the couple is cool, calm, and perhaps, thrives on the fun energy their big family enjoys daily. Primo (6), Leon (4), Alana (2) and Astro Phoenix (turning 1 year old) enjoy being with their parents whose way with them reflects in their own mannerism: they are playful, not rowdy. They are carefree and respectful.
Iya and Drew want to raise their brood of four to focus on the strength of each child. “It’s really just about focusing and recognizing both strengths and weaknesses so that you know what to further nurture and what you also need to work on,” said Iya at the Smart Parenting cover shoot.
For Drew, he sees the non-traditional education route as a means to fulfill one of his objectives for his kids and that is “as early as possible, for them to realize what they want to do in life.” He still remembers his own dad’s advice, to choose whatever made him happy with his life, regardless of the money.
“I remember my dad asking me, ‘Are you going to be happy? It doesn’t matter how much you’re earning, as long as you’re happy, then you’re good.’”
Two things are immediately obvious after Drew shares this memory: First, that his father’s advice has brought Drew his full, and happy family life and second, that his fatherhood, admired by many young families from the Arellanos’ social media content and podcast, is heavily influenced by his late father.
Learning from dad
“I learned a lot from my dad because even though he was this busy lawyer, he was pretty much there for everything, all the firsts. From when I was a kid until we grew up,” he said. Drew’s father passed before Drew and Iya were married.
Drew remembers that his dad loved to play with kids and joke around with the friends of his children, Drew’s siblings, and he recognizes that his own playful ways with their four kids is inherited from his father.
“Actually, more than anything, it’s like, man… How can I be like him?” Drew said.
The Biyahe ni Drew host loves that social media has played a big role in inspiring involved fatherhood and that while he and Iya openly talk about family and parenting on their channels, they are still works in progress. Both Drew and Iya admit that as a family, they are working on having a meal together, because they both fast daily and only eat when they’re hungry rather than having three meals a day like their kids. Another improvement they want to make is using their phones less when they’re with their children.
'Actually, more than anything, it’s like, man… How can I be like him?' -Drew Arellano on his dad's influence on his fatherhood
It's a challenge for the Arellanos to have dinner together every day because Iya hosts 24 Oras, which airs live during dinner hour. That’s why their current goal is to at least have dinner together as a family every Sunday. But Iya immediately confessed that they were not able to do that yesterday, just the day before the shoot.
Despite missing out on it, Iya and Drew are not hard on themselves. They recognize that tomorrow, they can try again. When they do have moments of frustration as a parent, Iya will sometimes need a moment to herself or opt to walk away for a while. “It's always a struggle. One day, you've got it right, the next day, I've totally messed it up again. But I think the first step is really just to be aware and to recognize it and your frustration,” she said.
There’s no formula to the Arellanos’ parenting, but this is Iya’s prayer every morning: “I'm always just praying, Lord, give me a chance to change before I actually make the mistake, and then just think about it after,” she said.
Parenting is modeling
Iya says Drew has an infectious positivity and is often the one who reminds their family to look at the brighter side of things whenever things don’t go their way. Iya also hopes that their kids learn to be grateful. “Drew already does it and so I hope the kids will learn it,” she said.
“It's always a struggle. One day, you've got it right, the next day, I've totally messed it up again. But I think the first step is really just to be aware and to recognize your frustration," -Iya Villania
Drew learned it from his father, who would remind him that “tomorrow is another day. [Sometimes] you don’t see the positive side [of things]. But the positivity that my dad gave for me, is just golden. I want to pass it on to my kids,” he said.
The dad of four also wants their kids to always be mindful of everyone around them and to treat all people with the same level of respect. “Importante sa akin ‘yun. It’s all about respect,” he said.
While Drew is the playful parent ("I provide the harutan,"), he admits that he learned to let kids test their physical limits and be active because of Iya. Their kids are allowed to be active, play, and move around at home and they’ve made sure it’s fairly safe for their kids to rough house at home. “Mas kinakabahan pa rin ako than Iya. Buti nalang she had that mindset, and nag-adjust ako,” Drew said.
Now that their kids are still quite young, Iya and Drew don’t think much about their individual relationship with each child but they are conscious of finding a reason to praise each one of them. “I don't want them to feel like I'm more in favor of [one of] them,” Iya said. Sometimes one sibling has asked why the other is praised for something he can do too, and Iya takes the time to explain that what now comes easy for an older child is usually a feat for a younger child, that’s why the younger one is acknowledged for something seemingly simple.
She retells what she would often say. “Like [I’ll say] ‘I know love, but you know, baby bro can't do all the things that you can do. So with the things that he can, I'm very proud of him.” She adds, “But you know, once upon a time, you also couldn't do these things and look at what you can do now. So that's why we have to be proud of the little things that maybe we can [already] do.”
When it comes to teaching their kids, Iya prefers to show their children what they can do and help them to find better ways of saying and doing things. Does their more gentle approach mean there is no correction? “There’s definitely correction, but also a conscious effort of teaching them what to do,” she said.
“It's almost like a husband, you're expecting them to read between the lines. When it's easier if you just tell them exactly what you need them to do,” Iya said. “All the more with kids where it's like, 'Okay, wait, I can't do this. So what can I do?'”
“What we just try to model is a whole lot of love. And through that a whole lot of positivity,” Iya said about their parenting. Modeling informs their parenting approach, from how they speak to each other, to taking care of their bodies and living a healthy lifestyle, to the small positive habits. And this means that Iya and Drew also check that what they are trying to teach their kids is something that they live out first.
“I don’t want to teach them to be a hypocrite, 'yung sabi ka ng sabi tapos ikaw nga…” Iya said. She remembers asking her kids to pray before their meals then realizing she doesn’t do it all the time.
“That’s why it’s really important what you model, because what you say almost doesn’t matter. It’s really what they see,” Iya said.
From where we stand, we’d follow what Iya and Drew models too.
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Photography: Paola Aseron
Styling by AJ Alberta
Makeup by Madge Lejano
Hairstyling by Seth Arevallo
Video Producer: Cherrie Julian
Video editor: Olan Pingco, Jr.
Art direction: Maria Stephanie Ocampo
Social media by Romae Zen Arganda
Growth Lead: Mika Presillas
Produced by Ronna Capili Bonifacio
Publisher: Iza Santos-Cuyos
Shot on location at Marco Polo Ortigas
Special thanks to Ciara and Joey Ong
