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Gaano kayo kadalas mag-sex ng inyong asawa sa loob isang linggo?
We asked this question in the Smart Parenting Village, our private Facebook group of over 80,000 parents, and over 1,000 moms and dads responded.
Thirty-eight percent (480 members) answered that they are having sex with their spouses 1-2 times a week.
In the second place, at 16 percent or 199 votes, couples said they are having sex 1-2 times a month!
A good 4 percent (51 parents) said, "Everyday!"
Some moms were open to sharing their experiences.
Mommy Ena Dizon, a member of the Smart Parenting Mom Squad said, "Nagbago lang in this pregnancy to prevent preterm labor. Though low risk naman ako, we still do it mga 3-4x a month. But normally, 1-2x a week. 3x a week depende sa mood!"
For those who have one to two kids now and are thinking they won't have enough sex when they have more kids, the future looks bright!
Mommy Bern Detiquez Saporteza-Domingo said, "Me and my husband mas lalong nag init sa isa't isa after ng 3 kids. Ginagawa namin ito after devotion and prayer sa gabi."
For Mommy Cristina Dela Cruz, "I have my 7-year-old twin sons and a 5-year-old daughter. Every other day kami depende kung hindi pagod. At least 3 times a week. Dapat lang meron pa din sa mag-asawa yun kasi isa din yun sa nagpapatibay at nagpapaganda ng samahan ng mag-asawa at may benefits both sa atin at sa hubby natin." This is true! Aside from health benefits of sex, a survey says, morning sex makes you more productive!
And for moms who had undergone ligation, brace yourselves. Your sex life is about to get wilder!
Take it from Mommy Aileen Ferrer, "Dumami esp nung magpa-ligate na, we took it to the next level." She adds, "Mas naging explorer na, Dora lang ang peg!" Considering ligation? Read the pros and cons here.
Other moms who are in a long-distance relationship with their husbands cannot help but say, "Sana all!"
How much sex should a couple have?
Smart Parenting asked Dr. Rica Cruz, a licensed psychologist, sex and relationships therapist, and sex educator, on how much sex is considered normal or healthy when it comes to married couples.
"It depends on the people involved in the relationship. In my study on sexual and relationship satisfaction, I found out that our stats here [in the Philippines] validate the stats globally - basically, once a week of sex is associated with having a satisfying relationship."
Dr. Rica has a caveat. "But it should be good sex. You can have sex thrice a week, but if only one of you is enjoying it, then it can be detrimental to the relationship."
READ ALSO: This Mom In A Sexless Marriage Said She Can't Help But Think About Her Ex
She explains, that some couples are okay without having sex, and that's fine too. As long as they're both/all okay with it.
What to do if you are not having sex this often?
In a 2017 article by Tempo, Dr. Rica said, one of her advocacies as a sex therapist is to encourage couples to have sex. "Because couples tend to engage in less and less sex as they go further into the relationship. Most couples think that it’s fine. Well, if we’re being really honest to ourselves, it’s actually not. It sucks. Especially when one person in the relationship wants sex, and the other does not. Hassle di ba?!"
She adds, "In fact, though 75% of married men are satisfied in their relationships, 50% of them are dissatisfied with their sex lives (within their respective relationships!). Don’t get me wrong, they do have sex. But just not with whom they’re supposed to have sex with!"
She explained, that married couples have sex a little bit more than once a week in the first 10 years of marriage and then decrease further after that.
"And 50% of marriages meet the criteria of a “sexless marriage”. What is a sexless marriage? Having sex less than 10 times a year."
Read other stories by Dr. Rica Cruz:
- Should Wives Initiate Sex? What To Do When Your Partner Refuses You Or 'Napilitan Lang'
- How To Sneak In Sex In Bed When Your Kids Almost Never Leave Your Side
- My Dilemma: I Caught My Husband Watching Sexy Videos. Am I Not Good Enough for Him?
How to make time for sexy time
Here are some tips shared by Dr. Rica for those who want to increase their chances of having sex with their spouses.
1. Give more time to each other
If you spend time with your partner more, you will re-learn how to enjoy their presence. Start by squeezing in at least an hour of alone time with your spouse at least 3 times a week. No kids, no distractions, just the two of you. This is a good place to start rekindling that fire before it's gone.
2. Take action
As married couples, you know what can put your spouse in a sexy mood. "Feeling the need for sex may never come. So don't wait for it!" said Dr. Rica. Whether it's watching sexy movies, having some drinks, or trying out some apps, try if it can do the magic!
3. Spend some time away from your kids
Some moms and dads at the Smart Parenting Village said they have lesser sex because their kids are always around.
If you want to have more sex with your partner, you can be more deliberate in having it by scheduling an out-of-town trip for that purpose. "Kahit motel, pwede! As long as you put yourselves in a new environment that could help you have a fresh perspective on sex. Remember that time when everything was exciting because they were new? Go back to that by spending some time away," said Dr. Rica.
Pag may gusto, may paraan, moms and dads! Read more 'ninja' tips shared by parents, here.
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